


Shadow

by BeStillMySlashyHeart



Series: AK ficlets [16]
Category: Animal Kingdom (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-14 00:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20182882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: post 4x07Deran and Adrian continue their conversation after they get home from Jess'.





	Shadow

Adrian eyes kept going to Deran’s hands. They were wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, the knuckles white with how tight his grip was.

It was a 25 minute drive from Jess’ place to theirs at this time of night and Deran hadn’t said a word for the past 20. Adrian had tried to start a conversation, tried to explain, but Deran’s stony silence shut down every attempt. He’d tried reading Deran’s face, his emotions typically writ there for Adrian to read easily but tonight Deran was a wall, his hands the only indication that he was feeling anything. It tore at Adrian to see.

They pulled up to the house and Deran shut off the engine before grabbing one of Adrian’s bags and disappearing into the house. He still hadn’t said a word since telling Adrian to get his shit.

Adrian stayed in the car, unwilling to walk into that house right now. It was strange. The past few months, hell the past year, Deran had been better. Where before he had no boundaries and was quick to anger but slow to admit to any actual feelings, now he was open and honest. He respected Adrian’s boundaries and he used his words instead of his fists. 

These days Deran’s touch was soft and reverent rather than hard and demanding. Adrian had never felt so cherished, so loved as he did when Deran touched him. The sense of wonder in the other man’s eyes as they fucked made Adrian felt like he was a god. A god powerful enough to have Deran Cody worshipping him. It was intoxicating.

If he sometimes missed the way Deran would just take, if he felt unsatisfied with the way Deran seemed almost too hesitant now, well it was a small price to pay for boundaries and no broken ribs.

Except now, now he didn’t know what the hell was happening. He’d hurt Deran, he knew that. But he also knew Deran was pissed off. And Deran wasn’t acting like it. He’d never gone so cold before, so silent. Deran’s anger was loud and explosive. It wasn’t this. 

Adrian knew how to handle loud and explosive. He wasn’t prepared for silence. He wasn’t prepared for distance.

“Are you coming or not?” Deran’s gruff voice startled him so bad he jumped in his seat. He turned to the side with wide eyes to see Deran standing just inside the open door, his face still unreadable.

Adrian opened his mouth but no words came so he opened his door and slowly slid out. Deran didn’t say anything else, he just watched him as he went to the back and pulled out his remaining bags. Part of Adrian wanted to leave them there, unsure if he really should stay, but he didn’t want Deran to think he was bolting again so he grabbed them and slowly followed Deran into the house.

Inside wasn’t any better. If anything, it was worse, the silence more oppressive in the enclosed space. Adrian dropped his bags by the door and reached for Deran but the man stepped neatly out of his grasp.

He swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat as he let his hand drop. Deran grabbed a beer out of the fridge and fled to the deck.

Adrian slumped against the wall, thumping his head back gently a few times before coming to a decision. He left his bags where they were and followed Deran outside.

“Talk to me,” he ordered gently.

Deran didn’t look at him but Adrian saw him shake his head minutely. Adrian moved so that he was in front of him and Deran stepped back like the thought of Adrian’s touch was enough to burn him. 

“Deran,” he pled softly. “You can’t just not look at me or talk to me.”

“You lied to me for months,” Deran hissed at him.

“Yes,” Adrian agreed and Deran flinched. “But if we can’t talk about this, why am I here? Why come and get me from Jess’?”

Deran closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “I am so angry at you,” he admitted softly.

“So be angry at me,” Adrian urged him. Anything would be better than this.

But Deran was shaking his head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because then you’ll leave and after- I can’t.”

Adrian furrowed his brow. “What do you mean I’ll leave? Deran, you’re allowed to be angry at me.”

“No, I’m not,” Deran insisted. Adrian took a step towards him and Deran backed away, shaking his head. “I can’t be angry, I can’t yell at you, I can’t push.”

“Why-”

“Because you’ll leave,” Deran insisted again, his voice rough. Adrian’s confusion was replaced by concern when his caught sight of tears glistening in the moonlight.

“Deran, I’m not going to leave. I’m not going to talk and I’m not going to leave.”

“Yes you will. You left last time.”

Adrian stopped short. “I left last time because you put me in the hospital and had Pope throw the guy I was seeing off of a boat.” Adrian paused. “Unless you’re planning to do something like that again, I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

Deran scoffed. “You say that now. But I know, okay? I know if I push too hard, if I-”

“If you what?”

Deran shook his head, unwilling to put it into words. But Adrian didn’t need words, not really. The pieces were starting to come together all on their own. 

“You don’t push,” Adrian realized. “You try so hard not to push that you’re practically hesitating sometimes. I thought you were just respecting boundaries but-”

“I am. I’m trying to, at least,” Deran interrupted. He fidgeted slightly. “I don’t want to scare you away again. I can’t.”

Adrian shook his head. “You practically require an invitation to touch me these days,” he continued. “I lied to you for months and you knew it but you didn’t push. I was throwing competitions and you accepted my bullshit excuses. You- fuck Deran, that’s not what I want.” Adrian cursed quietly. 

“I was too controlling,” Deran admitted. “I didn’t want to do that again. I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me. And you used to hate it when I just fucked you and-”

“I hated it when you broke into my house and fucked me without so much as saying a word or even kissing me. I felt like I was nothing to you.” Adrian closed the distance. “Yes, you were controlling but you’re not now. Calling me on my bullshit isn’t controlling me Deran, it’s being my partner. You- you’re letting me walk all over you.”

Deran hunched his shoulders and looked away.

“I don’t want that, Deran. I want us to be equals. I want us to be honest with each other and not let each other get away with shit.” He reached out and cupped Deran’s jaw, his touch light. “I don’t want you to be afraid to touch me. I want you to touch me, whenever you want. You don’t have to ask.” He swallowed. “And I don’t want you to be afraid of pushing me away. I know who you are, Deran Cody. And I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. So stop holding back.”

Deran stared at him for a moment, his eyes flitting between Adrian’s, clearly trying to decide if he was going to believe Adrian or not. 

Adrian let him look.

Without another word, Deran surged towards him, his hands coming up to grasp Adrian’s face as he connected their lips. Adrian rocked back on his heels from the force. 

Something he said must have gotten through to Deran because for the first time since they’d reconnected, there was no timidity, no hesitation as Deran took what he wanted. He dominated the kiss so thoroughly that Adrian could do nothing but go along for the ride. When Deran let him up for air, he pushed until Adrian’s back was pressed hard against the railing. 

“You need to tell me,” Deran pleaded, his words breathed into the space between their lips. “If I push too far, too much. I don’t want to lose you.” He told Adrian again.

“I will,” Adrian promised, capturing Deran’s lips in another kiss. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere.”

Deran’s face was still guarded, his eyes unreadable but there was relief in his body as his shoulders sagged. He didn’t say another word as he pressed tight along Adrian’s body.


End file.
